twenty-something

Breaking Up To Break It Down

Overall when it comes to reading advice on being forever alone single, dealing with men and dating/relationship advice, it normally goes in one little drunken ear and out the other.

dont careWhich the fact that I don’t pay much attention to any of these is most likely my problem today.

im the only single im the only single2

I just prefer to let life be the real teacher. Nothing can teach you like the experience of your own. And from random conversations with that one aunt.

gtf over it and move onWhile being told that wearing more camisoles and brightly colored cardigans will make you appear more friendly and less intimidating to latch you a man are eyeroll worthy, the advice columns about break-ups are usually the ones that are the fucking worst. Sure, some can be inspiring or thought provoking, but then there are others that troll in with advice like:

EAT YOUR FEELINGS

TAKE MEDICATION

SPILL ALL THE DETAILS OF THE BREAK-UP

TAKE A SUPER WILD TRIP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS

and the goddamn Nickelback worst:

GET UNDER A NEW GUY TO GET OVER THE OLD ONE

new mail4

Now, I almost wish that this person that recently made news read at LEAST that hot mess bundle of advice, because she clearly didn’t read the ones that were for sane people. Let’s just call her….Felicia.

ex bf calls

WTF

WHET

FELICIA. GURL.

That’s 121,669 shades of NO DAMN MA’AM. In a span of seven days.

You should call NO ONE 77,639 times in one week. NOT. ONE. SOUL. Not work related people, not your mama, not your amazing sibling, not Jake from State Farm, not your best friend from childhood, not Tyrone, not your fabulous friend that gets even more fabulous after they’ve have a few cocktails, not the pizza place, not even on Jesus. He has enough on his plate, sis.

jesusClearly you never read a break up tip post-it let alone an actual column, or owned an Beyonce‘ album, or had a heart to heart with someone or been forced to watch He’s Just Not That Into You with a girlfriend on a drunken Saturday night.

So, thanks for the inspiration on breaking this down, and this is for you Felicia.

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Throwback Tales: Welcome To The Dark Side: Part 3

From the start of what turned out to be a crazy ride into the world of online dating—from creeps to plain ole NOs to “Hell Night” with Zac Efron to the too much too soon headache that was wine guy, all seemed worth it in the end by the time I finally met my new friend in person.

We chose to meet up at a bar/dance hall where upon my arrival I was greeted with a huge hug and then taken by the hand to pay my entry in and then to the bar for a drink.swoonMy new friend was already established as a good looking guy from his profile and talking online, but none of that did him justice compared to what he was in person. From his Midwestern accent to his bright Hazel eyes to his quick wit responses and sense of humor that scarily seemed to match mine it was safe to say I was smitten kittens. Shit: I was becoming. THAT. GIRL.

After talking about each other’s week and a quick dance we then went to meet outside with the friends of my new friend, where I was jokingly introduced as his girlfriend. It was funny, hopefully one day reigning to be true, and cute—mostly because I knew he was joking. If someone like wine guy had did it, it would have been creepy because trust he’d mean every bit of that shit.

old creep stare

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Shade vs Reading

Real-Housewives-of-AtlantaI LOVE my fair portion of trash reality television, and Real Housewives of Atlanta definitely does not miss the plate. This season thus far has been an interesting one with Porsha’s divorce, Mama Joyce’s hatred for Todd, and whether or not Kenya actually did offer to “suck Apollo’s wee-wee”. I wish I was making some of this shit up.

On one of the more recent episodes cast member Nene Leakes brought along one of her friends Mynique to a group gathering where she was later then schooled on the fundamentals of throwing shade and reading.

reading

No, not that kind of reading.

ReadHunny

  • Shade: acting in a casual or disrespectful manner towards someone a.k.a “throwing shade”.
  • Read: To tell someone about themself, as in “Don’t do it bitch, I will read your ass”.

Bitch don't comeShade throwing and serving a good read–you either know it or you don’t. Personally it’s not something that can be taught, especially in the span of a few minutes and then be put up against almost the entire cast of Real Housewives of Atlanta–because chances are you won’t be ready.

However, let’s get with the Gawds and break this all down: Get your glasses handy because the library is officially open, honey chile.

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The Party Survival Guide: The Holiday Edition

3b533d81fa971dd735c5672c1bcc123bDecember is halfway over and that means that we are well into the season of parties. Company holiday parties, parties hosted by family members, friends, and even yourself. holiday party

And unlike most of the usual parties, holiday parties enter a whole new zone of rules and guidelines.

Let’s get festive and break this shit down.

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Cuffing Season Is Here

Ready or not, here it comes!

cuffing season

Cuffing Season: During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship.

Cuff

So, if you still aren’t aware of what exactly is “Cuffing Season” or what are the signs of this Fall phenomenon allow me to break this down.

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